After a week in pain, my faith is starting to bruise, and as I get up from bed in the middle of the night for the third time in three hours, I can only confess to God honestly..."Lord, I mean no disrespect, I just don't get it. And I confess...I am ANGRY."
So here I am, once again blogging, only this time it's 1:33am and I should be sleeping. I freely admit, I can't sleep because I am SO ANGRY.
So behold, this is why I am stewing:
I am a blood purchased child of the Most High God.
I have faith to be saved.
I have faith to be Baptized in the Holy Spirit.
And the healing that I claim on any number of scriptures in God's Word has yet to take place.
So, here's my thought process...
ALMIGHTY GOD... single creation with a healing request... NOT A BIG DEAL.
After a week of waiting, praying, reading and being a good Christian, I admit, my faith is starting to bruise. WHAT IS THE POINT OF BEING A CHRISTIAN IF WE HAVE TO WALK AROUND THIS MUD-BALL BEING AS MISERABLE AS EVERYONE ELSE? I mean, I know we don't do this for the perks, but REALLY?!?
JOHN 16:23-24
And
in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you,
Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you. Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.
I freely admit, I am no legal counsel or rocket scientist, but that seems pretty straight forward.
So I'm laying there in bed, trying to get to sleep, realizing that my stewing about this is causing me to meditate on it, which you are supposed to do, and I realize that He is listening. I realize that He is listening because I sense Him in the silence. My mind is literally whizzing with questions, statements and arguments, a cacophony of noise. So I slow things down and present it to Him. Ok Lord, here's my dilemma.
God, why is teaching on this so vague? Every one says Your answers to prayer are "Yes, No, not right now"... and then there's the circle that believes that our faith (of either the pray-er, or the one being prayed for) determines the outcome. Well what good does that do? I mean, really? So if I ask for healing and don't get it, that means it's a "No, or a not right now" or my faith is not up to par, or I asked the wrong person to pray for me. Boy, how's that for a tray load of excuses for ya? A church preaching God without power. Never have I seen such an oxymoron. I ask You this...How much faith did Lazarus have when he lay DEAD in his tomb? I don't know about You, but I didn't read about a No or a 'Not Right Now' there. That man stood up when he was commanded, and came forth as he was told. I'm so jaded about this because it seems that all the teaching about Your Word is contrary to Your Word! Are you Jehovah-Rapha, the Lord our Healer, or not? I'm Your Son. I've asked to be healed (because Your Word says we should ask), I've claimed the healing that Jesus Christ paid for with His Stripes, and I've walked in Faith for a week now. So you can see why I'm getting angry.
"Be angry and sin not..."
Well, Lord, I'm not sinning. I'm frustrated, confused and I'm doing what I'm supposed to: I'm bringing it to You.
Wait a minute.
He said BE angry.
Woah, woah woah. OK, that certainly changes things.
God commanded me to be angry. Ok. So, I do have a right to be angry? Hmmm, this warrants some looking into.
So I read the rest of the verse:
Ephesians 4:26
Be angry and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath.
AND sin not. The remainder of that verse clarifies the last statement (by use of the colon) "Let not the sun go down on your wrath" So, to be angry and sin, means to be angry and let the sun go down on your wrath. Considering the sun went down many hours ago, that doesn't apply here, but just to cover myself, I'm not angry AT anyone, I don't feel wroth with anyone, I'm angry at the situation. So as far as I can see, I'm doing alright so far. But the question remains...why am I being commanded to BE ANGRY? Then I see it. The next verse.
EPHESIANS 4:27Neither give place to the devil.
Hmm. Now I know that most people teach that this means that being angry for the wrong reason will give the devil a foothold in your life, and this verse is telling you not to allow that. That's sound. But let me put this to you another way. We are commanded to BE ANGRY when the devil (or any one of his minions) places their grubby little claws on us.
Is it the command to be RIGHTEOUSLY ANGRY and cast him, his minions, out and rebuke them?
Is it the command to be RIGHTEOUSLY ANGRY and refuse to worship the powerless god that the devil is peddling in the churches today?
Perhaps it's time that WE ask THEM: WHAT ARE YOU PREACHING? WHERE IS THE GOD OF ABRAHAM, ISAAC, and JACOB? IS HE NOT THE SAME GOD YESTERDAY, TODAY AND FOREVER?
Lord, I close this entry with a prayer. Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14) I am thy servant; give me understanding, that I may know thy testimonies. (Psalm 119:125) Make me to understand the way of thy precepts: so shall I talk of thy wondrous works. (Psalm 119:27)
In the precious name of Jesus Christ, My Lord, My God and Savior and King. Amen.
-----------EDITED: UPDATE-----------
Our God is so good to us. He knows us so well that sometimes His knowledge of us surprises us. This is the case with this entry. Allow me to explain. On Sunday, February 5, 2012, I was baptized in the Holy Ghost in front of the whole church, evidenced with speaking in Tongues. It was a glorious experience that has changed my life. The week following I was beset by my adversary with physical constipation. I have confessed to God that He is Jehovah-Rapha, The Lord My Healer, and I trust Him with the physical needs of the body that He created for me, so when this physical manifestation occurred, I contacted my Physician, The Lord, about it and sought His healing. Through the week, I spent much time before Him in prayer and continual walking in His Presence, knowing that as long as I am near Him and focused on Him, my physical body and it's behaviors are His responsibility. So the week went on and there was no answer to the prayer. The following Sunday, February 12, 2012, I was gloriously healed during Worship, where a revelation of His walking the isles of the church looking for Faith to Believe the works that He can do left me in awe of his presence. Enraptured in front of His Throne, I felt His touch and was immediately healed.
Now this is where my education in God and His behavior in our lives truly began in earnest. For three days I walked in that healing, until the constipation was revisited upon me. Immediately I began to question myself, "What have I done wrong?" "Do I have unconfessed sin or someone that I have not forgiven..." the whole gambit of grilling myself, when I should have been focused on God and how good He is to us. After writing this original post on Saturday night/Sunday Morning of February 19th, I began speaking with the Lord about my confusion regarding this particular situation, my frustrations with not having a clear understanding about it, and I confessed to trying to be an intellectual about something that, to me at least, was a spiritual matter. I have always been honest with God about how thick I can be when it comes to 'getting a clue', and Praise God Almighty Forever, He has always met me right where I am at. I left the matter with Him and continued to be vigilant about watching for His ever patient 'writing on the wall' to get my attention. And the Mighty God that we serve did not disappoint. I was provided with the understanding that when we, as His children, venture into a situation innocently, not only is He willing to help us, but He is EAGER to help us. However, we have to be diligent to learn from these times of His Grace because The Lord God Almighty is not a vending machine that dispenses miracles and blessings without cause. Once I identified what the problem was after He healed me of what in my ignorance I had stumbled into, it was then MY responsibility to correct the behavior of my diet and lifestyle. Once I implemented the necessary changes to my behavior and lifestyle, basically once I learned and was walking in the instruction of the knowledge God had provided, God swiftly brought about the end of the lesson and I was soon walking free. We serve a magnificent and WONDER WORKING God who does know the feelings of our infirmities, and resonates deeper in our souls with His love the more time we spend before Him.
God Bless You.
-----------END EDITED UPDATE-----------
