TO BE LOVED OF GOD

I confess this past week has been a battle. The only problem with being an artist/illustrator and saving every piece of work you've ever done is that sometimes going through those old drawings reveals your old nature. The enemy wakes up the ZOMBEY (the life that I laid down the day I declared Jesus Christ my Lord) and it's time to do battle. It's not that I sought out my old man, but he woke up from his grave and bit me and it has been an uphill battle ever since. Wrestling with Zombey is really hard, and consequently I learned that even when you're not looking for your Zombey, he is ALWAYS looking for you. I've been doing a lot of sorting and organizing while I've been re-arranging my room this past week, making room (as well as cleaning out items that belonged to Zombey) and the time involved has been astronomical due to the fact that I can stand there and obsess about one tiny thing for 20 minutes, which turns out to be a complete waste of time because what I'm obsessing about has absolutely no relevance to the completion of the mission at hand. I found myself doing this over and over and over and over again. Finally I realized how much time I was consuming with these 'country bumpkin roads' and I finally put a stop to it. I really believe that this behavior was a result of Zombey and the lifestyle that he was involved with. I apologize if this sounds like rambling, I assure you that this information is pertinent to the subject matter at hand though... So beyond wrestling with Zombey, my Scripture time has been under attack, as well as my prayer time. You get one guess as to who is responsible for those.  O_o

Today I woke with a different approach. I've been doing my morning devotionals as the Proverb for the day (today, being the 29th, I read Proverbs 29). Wow, that is all I can say. Now, I read out of the King James Bible, because it is what I was raised on and I find it INFINITELY easier to understand than any other version. God met me in an amazing way that He never has before and the understanding that I have of the first 5 verses alone is incredible. And exceedingly time consuming. Now Momma depends on me for keeping lil' Nate occupied while she is cooking, doing things that cannot be interrupted, or bears some danger to Nate. I really enjoy the time I spend with Nate, and I am so blessed to have him in my life. I tell you this, the child is teaching me more about life every day. I am continually amazed at how he perceives everything around him with such awe and wonder, it reflects on my walk with God. On the one hand I have the time now to study the scriptures and spend time with God, but I also have to be mindful of the time that I have to be available to Momma. So yesterday I spent some time in the Word while Nate was napping, and today I did it in the morning and continued it this afternoon. God expounded upon His Word and gave me a wonderful and informative Bible study.

Despite the many setbacks this past week, I went to church as God has permitted me to faithfully, and even though we were late, the time spent in worship was refreshing. The last two songs that we sung were "These are the Days of Elijah" and "Even So Come". I was amazed at how much I FELT the songs as I sang with all my heart. I gave myself over to singing "Even So Come" and the Presence of the Lord was so tangible in the church that I was driven to my knees, all I could speak was 'Unworthy...I'm unworthy...' I was ashamed, I was amazed...I was absolutely astounded that God would even give me the time of day after the week I have had. But God... I love those two words...But God had other plans. I was overwhelmed with the work He was doing in me, I could sense it, I could feel it... He was burning dross off of me... I was DRIVEN TO THE FLOOR prostrate before His mighty hand. I was keenly aware of my unashamed weeping before him, but even as I wanted to be cognizant of it, all I could HEAR was weeping and wailing, as He ministered to His saints. I don't know if I heard it in the Spirit, or if everyone in the church had been weeping, but it was such a precious weeping. It was reverent and worshipful, it was broken and joyful... it was AMAZING. Even now recounting these events I am weeping before God for the incredible love that He has for us. For me. Oh God, how good You are to us.

I continue to walk with Him because He is so FAITHFUL to me, I cannot help but want to be near Him more. God Bless You All. G'nite.