CONTEMPABILITY AND LOSING FOCUS

In doing our morning devotionals, Momma and I both were convicted by the ending of the devotion for today by Oswald Chambers, a fantastic man of God who gives it to you straight without apology. As Momma and I practice the discipline of transparency and keeping each other accountable, we were both immediately aware of the conviction of the Holy Spirit as the following words were read.

"When we discern that other people are not growing spiritually and allow that discernment to turn to criticism, we block our fellowship with God. God never gives us discernment so that we may criticize, but that we may intercede."

Learning to be a patriarch without a patriarch to mentor you is a hard thing. A lot of it is trial and error, but I confess that God, my Father and Patriarch, has stepped in and amply filled the role of Master. His patience and instruction continues to amaze me and as simple as it may sound, I am as a child learning all again. In the past few weeks as I have walked out my patriarchy, Momma has been witness to some of the most beautiful revelations that God has given me, as well as some of the utter disasters that I have brought on myself.

One day God brought me to my knees with the realization that my family does not need me, they need Him. Of course I was devastated to find out that I was not the center of the world, but that was not what drove me to my knees. It was the understanding that I was in the way. The more I try to do things in my own power, in my own authority, my own way... I was nothing more than a hindrance to Almighty God trying to work in my family. Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I was praying for God to save my family, while I was inadvertently pushing them away. Continually speaking to them about matters that I had no business interfering in, or questioning them about, critiquing their walk with God and pointing out places they needed to improve. Now, in my perception, I was helping, and none of this was done condescendingly. After a rather large argument with one of my family members, I realized that I must be doing something wrong. My intentions were good, but I was messing up on the delivery COMPLETELY. As I am inclined to do, rather than worry, I spoke to God about it. I told God how much I wanted to express what was in my heart, what my eyes had observed and my ears heard, dealing with only facts that I myself had been witness to. (I considered this to be the right and just way to help with the situation.) Unfortunately I did not check myself before entering this 'battle' and my armor was lacking...immensely.

    And why beholdest thou the MOTE that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the BEAM that is in thine own eye?

    Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the MOTE that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the BEAM that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the BEAM out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the MOTE that is in thy brother's eye.
Luke 6:41-42

Now, while I don't consider myself to be some magnificent high and mighty holy-roller by any means, and when I speak to people, I apparently come across this way. Again, I spoke to God about it and that is what landed me with the conviction that we had this morning.

Conviction, conviction...what is this all about ... conviction? Well, to be honest with you, I never understood it until I had experienced it in my own walk with God. Conviction is when you read or hear something that immediately brings to your own mind a situation you have been dealing with. Some people liken it to guilt without the guilt (which seems even more confusing to me, that's like saying its water without the water...) but it is the Holy Spirit of God speaking to your spirit. This is His way of telling you to pay attention, that something important is present that God wants you to know. The way the Holy Spirit convicts your spirit is to speak the Word of God. This is why reading God's Word is so vital for a proper relationship with God. The more of His Word that you know, the more He can communicate with your spirit.

So, there I am, listening as Momma is reading the dissertation by Oswald Chambers, and the scripture for the devotional landed squarely in my spirit.

Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us: for we are exceedingly filled with contempt.
Psalm 123:3

Unbeknownst to me, I was a vessel of contempt. Great God in Heaven, how could I not know this? How could I not see this in my life? But God be praised for showing me how utterly despicable I am without His amazing grace, and I thank God Almighty for the Holy Spirit, Who gently and patiently leads me back to the way I should be.

So what did I learn in all this? That my focus must be on Him. I once met Arthur Burt; a tremendously humble man of God who was moved by the Spirit to speak the following words to me:

IT MUST BE TO HIM.
IT IS FOR THE PEOPLE BUT IT IS TO HIM.

In all that I do, I must be sure that I am speaking to God.

AMEN

FORGIVENESS AND THE PENALTY OF SIN

Our morning devotionals have left Mom and I with an incredible sense of awe at the timing and divine appointments of God. Yesterday pastor Irwin Lutzer of Moody Bible Institute spoke on the payment that Jesus Christ suffered as a result of our sin. Every Christian knows that Jesus Christ took the sin of the world upon himself so that God could be justified in forgiving us, but I know in my own life that I have not personally processed this information on an intellectual basis. I had not considered the fact that for the first time in His existence, that is timeless existence prior and timeless existence afterword, Jesus Christ, The Word of God, experienced what eternal separation from God was like. Hence Jesus words on the cross:

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN me?  (Matthew 27:46)

On a mental level I realized that God the Father had to turn His back on His Son when the sin was applied to Him as a propitiation for our sins, but I never considered the fact that Jesus experienced what the HOPELESS ETERNAL separation from the presence of God was like (I imagine because I couldn't possibly comprehend what that could be like, or what that process was like). It wasn't like Jesus was thinking, "OK, in 5 minutes I'll be back in His presence and everything will be hunky dory." Not so. When Jesus experienced that separation, He experienced the WHOLE experience, and for the first time in His immortal eternal existence, He was HOPELESSLY separated from His Father. 

Now while all of this is taking place, God the Father and God the Holy Spirit were also participants in this experience. While They were aware of the big picture, They as well had never experienced what being a TRIUNE God, without Jesus, was like. God the Father and the Holy Spirit were separated from the Word of God.

 

NOTES OF THE LAST PATRIARCH

I have recently come across some notes that my father left in his Bible. In trying to decipher them, I figured it would be prudent to put it all together in such a way that would help to identify the theme of the notes.

-------------  SIDE 1  --------------------
1.  II Peter 1-19

19 We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts:

2.  II Corinthians 4:3-6

3 But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

5 For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to [give] the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

3.  Revelation 22:16

16 I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, [and] the bright and morning star.

_______
II Peter 1:3-11

3 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that [pertain] unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:

4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;

6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;

7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.

8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make [you that ye shall] neither [be] barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

9 But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.

10 Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall:

11 For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

_______
Entrance - only 2
1 Thessalonians 
 _______
DO NOT COMPROMISE!

-------------- SIDE 2 --------------------

Galatians 3:13

Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree:

Galatians 3:10

For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.

_______
Galatians 5:16-21

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Galatians 6:1-5

1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
3 For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.
4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.
5 For every man shall bear his own burden.

Galatians 6:7-8

7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

Romans 8:5-8

5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.
6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.
8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

Romans 8:12-13

12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh.
13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

--------------END NOTES--------------------

 As of the writing of this entry, I am still unclear as to the meaning of these notes, however merely documenting them in the order that father wrote them has given me some perspective on the theme. As with all Bible studies, it is up to the Holy Spirit to open my understanding to the meaning that God has purposed for this. It is interesting though, that even in his notes, my father has shown me a little bit of his patriarchal knowledge and the focus of his study. In that alone, time and death have no bearing, as I just completed a study with father, despite his being Heaven-side of the veil of this reality.

The Last Patriarch

My father, Joseph E. Kabelis Jr., lived to the age of 63 when lymph node cancer took him from this reality and ushered him into the waiting arms of our Heavenly Father. Being married twice, he had 7 children in his first marriage, 3 in his second, for a grand total of 10 kids; by most people's reckoning he had a full life. I am number 8 of 10 (that's my Borg designation), the eldest of his second marriage, by a mere 10 minutes. I never considered that I was chosen to be born first, I always considered it some cosmic farce that landed me at the head of the exit line. And yet considering that God knew what he was doing that evening as my mother went into labor, I have to accept the fact that it was a divine appointment that called me forth before my twin.

Now, lest you read this and begin thinking that I'm making something of myself, be assured, I am not. Being a twin is an amazing blessing, but more than anything else, it is filled with mystery. Why did God chose to make two of the same person? And how is it that two people, genetically identical, growing up in the same environment...can be so completely different? What purpose is there in having two identical people? Well, questions like this have existed in my mind since I was very young and despite all the sources on this planet that claim to know the purpose behind being twins, I can't help but wonder what God's reason was for it. Anyway, I digress from the subject here, my father.


As the eldest son, my father entrusted me with his family. I betrayed that confidence and trust, and for many years went on to serve myself and my own selfish desires. I can make all sorts of excuses, that I was dealing with his death, that I was discovering my self, blah blah blah... but what it comes down to is that I was worried about one person. Me. How could father have trusted me with something so precious to him? Surely he must have had some idea what my life was going to be like. Looking back now, I wish I could take it all back, wish I would have taken my position more seriously. To be honest I didn't know that being the eldest was anything special, and I knew nothing about being a patriarch until I met Robert A. Johnson of Christian Training Center (CTC) when I was in my early thirties. Now, in my later thirties, I am trying to pick up the pieces of what is left and walk out what I know, and as God leads me, to rectify the past that haunts me.

A GENTLY SPOKEN WORD...

I continue to be amazed at the wisdom that pours so easily from Momma's spirit.

Today is a blustery autumn day, the wind is gusting 45mph and the clouds are racing across the sky. During our morning devotion time Momma had commented about how gloomy it was in comparison to how beautiful it was when she first got up. She said that the sky was full of red and blue hues and the sun was shining in the sky. I had made some stupidly optimistic comment about the fact that it wasn't raining or snowing, to try to put things into perspective, which went over like a lead balloon. We went on to spend our time with God, richly blessed by His once again timely message. Afterward I stepped outside to get yesterdays mail and the morning paper, surprised by the fact that the temperature was quite warm (54*) for a mid-November day. Amazed by the speed that the lowest clouds were moving, I called Momma over to see it. "See Momma, the heavy clouds that make it gloomy are moving quickly by, and they aren't that big... You can even see the blue sky."

Now what really set me back on my heels was her response...

"There are always blue skies beyond the clouds Karl."

As she walked away, returning to whatever task I had called her from, I stood there, in spiritual awe of an incredible message that she had given me. It seems so obvious, so simple...as most of God's messages are...but it was the reception in my spirit that made the connection. No matter how dark it gets, or how long that darkness lasts, if our perspective is set on what we know is beyond this present darkness, we are well able to keep our hope. Our current trials, tribulations, and 'worldly-woes' are just clouds, racing in front of the Eternal Son. No matter how dark, how heavy or how thick those clouds get, as Christians we know that our Blue Skies are awaiting us beyond them, if we will but trust that "This too shall pass."

I tried to produce some super spiritual lesson out of this, but I left it when I realized that the truth that God had given me was just as simple as the message He had given me.
 

THE BATTLE IS NOT MINE...

I am near my wits end. I wanted this blog to be a collection of blessings and testimonies of what God has done, to ensure that He gets all the glory for what He has done, but I find that since my commitment to being the family patriarch, all I have done is battle after battle. When I'm not battling my own sinful nature, I'm battling with the very family I've sworn to protect. I'm worn out and honestly want to throw in the towel. BUT I CAN'T. I can't afford to.

When I face someone who is at odds with me, I must see what is behind them. Not only is there a spirit of anti-christ attempting to steal, kill and destroy everything that God loves, but there is also a spirit involved with the 'reaction'. A spirit of fear, spirit of pride, spirit of jealousy... there is some spirit that is venting the emotional baggage of the person you are dealing with.

What I didn't consider is that while the spirit of anti-christ is trying to keep the person I am dealing with OUT OF the will of God, OUT OF the grace of God and OUT OF His salvation... what I failed to see is that same spirit is also working to derail me and get me to a place where I am no longer in God's grace. If he can successfully do that, he doesn't have to work so hard with the person that I'm trying to deal with. If he can push my buttons and get me to respond out of anger, rather than love, or to respond out of pride, rather than humility, he will have accomplished his task.

The largest lesson that I learned in this whole ordeal was in the aftermath. I find that it is very beneficial to try and track down the origins of any disagreement that goes horribly wrong, and in this case, I was surprised that I was the core. I realized that I had placed myself at risk of attack when I compared myself and my accomplishments to others. When ever we compare ourselves to others, rather than to Jesus Christ, we open the door to allow a spirit of jealousy and pride in. Once I unknowingly did this, not only was my armor flawed, but so was my spirit. I WAS COMPROMISED.

I am ashamed to say that this patriarch blew not 1, but 2 tests. I only pray that God is able to accomplish His task despite the flawed vessel that He chose to lead into the battle. I do know this, next time I will know both who and what I am dealing with, and further more I know I have to be aware of my own spirit and where I am leading from...otherwise I go into battle with defective armor and put the Kingdom at risk.