I am near my wits end. I wanted this blog to be a collection of blessings and testimonies of what God has done, to ensure that He gets all the glory for what He has done, but I find that since my commitment to being the family patriarch, all I have done is battle after battle. When I'm not battling my own sinful nature, I'm battling with the very family I've sworn to protect. I'm worn out and honestly want to throw in the towel. BUT I CAN'T. I can't afford to.
When I face someone who is at odds with me, I must see what is behind them. Not only is there a spirit of anti-christ attempting to steal, kill and destroy everything that God loves, but there is also a spirit involved with the 'reaction'. A spirit of fear, spirit of pride, spirit of jealousy... there is some spirit that is venting the emotional baggage of the person you are dealing with.
What I didn't consider is that while the spirit of anti-christ is trying to keep the person I am dealing with OUT OF the will of God, OUT OF the grace of God and OUT OF His salvation... what I failed to see is that same spirit is also working to derail me and get me to a place where I am no longer in God's grace. If he can successfully do that, he doesn't have to work so hard with the person that I'm trying to deal with. If he can push my buttons and get me to respond out of anger, rather than love, or to respond out of pride, rather than humility, he will have accomplished his task.
The largest lesson that I learned in this whole ordeal was in the aftermath. I find that it is very beneficial to try and track down the origins of any disagreement that goes horribly wrong, and in this case, I was surprised that I was the core. I realized that I had placed myself at risk of attack when I compared myself and my accomplishments to others. When ever we compare ourselves to others, rather than to Jesus Christ, we open the door to allow a spirit of jealousy and pride in. Once I unknowingly did this, not only was my armor flawed, but so was my spirit. I WAS COMPROMISED.
I am ashamed to say that this patriarch blew not 1, but 2 tests. I only pray that God is able to accomplish His task despite the flawed vessel that He chose to lead into the battle. I do know this, next time I will know both who and what I am dealing with, and further more I know I have to be aware of my own spirit and where I am leading from...otherwise I go into battle with defective armor and put the Kingdom at risk.
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Please be aware that I am just a simple man trying to understand this life and the God that I serve. The postings on here are not the work of some schooled theologian, but the meditations of my heart and experiences that I have. I place them here in the hope that someone somewhere will be blessed by them. I welcome your thoughts and input. I would think it goes without saying that anything vulgar or blasphemous will not be posted. God Bless You and thank you for leaving your thoughts! O_o