CONTEMPABILITY AND LOSING FOCUS

In doing our morning devotionals, Momma and I both were convicted by the ending of the devotion for today by Oswald Chambers, a fantastic man of God who gives it to you straight without apology. As Momma and I practice the discipline of transparency and keeping each other accountable, we were both immediately aware of the conviction of the Holy Spirit as the following words were read.

"When we discern that other people are not growing spiritually and allow that discernment to turn to criticism, we block our fellowship with God. God never gives us discernment so that we may criticize, but that we may intercede."

Learning to be a patriarch without a patriarch to mentor you is a hard thing. A lot of it is trial and error, but I confess that God, my Father and Patriarch, has stepped in and amply filled the role of Master. His patience and instruction continues to amaze me and as simple as it may sound, I am as a child learning all again. In the past few weeks as I have walked out my patriarchy, Momma has been witness to some of the most beautiful revelations that God has given me, as well as some of the utter disasters that I have brought on myself.

One day God brought me to my knees with the realization that my family does not need me, they need Him. Of course I was devastated to find out that I was not the center of the world, but that was not what drove me to my knees. It was the understanding that I was in the way. The more I try to do things in my own power, in my own authority, my own way... I was nothing more than a hindrance to Almighty God trying to work in my family. Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I was praying for God to save my family, while I was inadvertently pushing them away. Continually speaking to them about matters that I had no business interfering in, or questioning them about, critiquing their walk with God and pointing out places they needed to improve. Now, in my perception, I was helping, and none of this was done condescendingly. After a rather large argument with one of my family members, I realized that I must be doing something wrong. My intentions were good, but I was messing up on the delivery COMPLETELY. As I am inclined to do, rather than worry, I spoke to God about it. I told God how much I wanted to express what was in my heart, what my eyes had observed and my ears heard, dealing with only facts that I myself had been witness to. (I considered this to be the right and just way to help with the situation.) Unfortunately I did not check myself before entering this 'battle' and my armor was lacking...immensely.

    And why beholdest thou the MOTE that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the BEAM that is in thine own eye?

    Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the MOTE that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the BEAM that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the BEAM out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the MOTE that is in thy brother's eye.
Luke 6:41-42

Now, while I don't consider myself to be some magnificent high and mighty holy-roller by any means, and when I speak to people, I apparently come across this way. Again, I spoke to God about it and that is what landed me with the conviction that we had this morning.

Conviction, conviction...what is this all about ... conviction? Well, to be honest with you, I never understood it until I had experienced it in my own walk with God. Conviction is when you read or hear something that immediately brings to your own mind a situation you have been dealing with. Some people liken it to guilt without the guilt (which seems even more confusing to me, that's like saying its water without the water...) but it is the Holy Spirit of God speaking to your spirit. This is His way of telling you to pay attention, that something important is present that God wants you to know. The way the Holy Spirit convicts your spirit is to speak the Word of God. This is why reading God's Word is so vital for a proper relationship with God. The more of His Word that you know, the more He can communicate with your spirit.

So, there I am, listening as Momma is reading the dissertation by Oswald Chambers, and the scripture for the devotional landed squarely in my spirit.

Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us: for we are exceedingly filled with contempt.
Psalm 123:3

Unbeknownst to me, I was a vessel of contempt. Great God in Heaven, how could I not know this? How could I not see this in my life? But God be praised for showing me how utterly despicable I am without His amazing grace, and I thank God Almighty for the Holy Spirit, Who gently and patiently leads me back to the way I should be.

So what did I learn in all this? That my focus must be on Him. I once met Arthur Burt; a tremendously humble man of God who was moved by the Spirit to speak the following words to me:

IT MUST BE TO HIM.
IT IS FOR THE PEOPLE BUT IT IS TO HIM.

In all that I do, I must be sure that I am speaking to God.

AMEN